Saturday, June 23, 2007

Now that we’ve reviewed movies that make you cry, and movies that make you laugh, today’s topic is movies that make you say "WTF? How did this piece of crap get green-lighted? Did anyone read the script? Did they consider hiring people who could (or would bother to) act?"

My choices for ridiculously bad movies are:
Roadhouse starred Patrick Swayze, hot off his success in Dirty Dancing as James Dalton - the world’s greatest bad-ass bouncer. The usually enjoyable Sam Elliott slums his way through the role of Wade Garrett - the Yoda/Zen Master of bad-ass bouncers. Throw in Kelly Lynch as the doctor who is inexplicably impressed by Dalton carrying his medical records around with him, (to make his frequent trips to the hospital go that much smoother), and you have a mix that can only spell out D-movie bomb.
Showgirls is the first movie I can recall that was able to remove all the sexiness out of having a lot of naked attractive people on screen. Elizabeth Berkley stars as Noni (wtf?) Malone, the tough as nails gal who comes to Vegas to see her name in lights. Gina Gershon stars as Crystal Connor, the showgirl who has Vegas tied around her finger . . . and Kyle MacLachlan sleep walks his way through the role of Zack Carey, who owns the casino, or something . . . First off, since when did a Vegas showgirl become a star? We’re not talking Gypsy Rose Lee here, we’re talking a topless, and pretty much faceless, show somewhere on the Strip. Anywhoo, Noni manages to knock Crystal off her throne by knocking her down some stairs, and yet, after she has Vegas eating out of her hands, she chucks it all away.
Any other nominees?


Blogger prettykitty said...

i love movies so much, good or bad, that i rarely say WTF? but i must admit that alot of b-horror movies make me scratch my head: leprechaun, puppet master, children of the corn, witchcraft, i spit on your grave.. the list is endless.

2:25 PM  
Blogger ffleur said...

Vanilla Sky with Tom Cruise

I'd missed the opening of the movie I actually wanted to see, so reluctantly went to see this piece o'crap.

I didn't like and neither did the other 4 people in the theatre.

A remake of a (no doubt much better) Spanish movie. When Hollywood remakes European movies, they first drain the soul & intelligence out before presenting it on screen.

5:52 PM  
Blogger Diane said...

kitty - how the hell are you? thanks for stopping by

ffleur - Vanilla Sky was COMPLETELY unwatchable!

5:59 PM  
Blogger sage said...

I so seldom watch movies till a year or so after they're released, so I don't see too many bad ones. I did see Roadhouse and did shake my head wondering why I'd wasted my time. I didn't see Showgirls, but isn't that the film that the mayor (or he was mayor 4 yrs ago) of Las Vegas (he had been a mob attorney) played a two bit role in?

6:57 PM  
Blogger v said...

Um, any movie with the Swayze is unwatchable. Lol, I couldn't resist.

I also agree VANILLA SKY was close to a total waste of time.

I'm going to be alone on this one, but I'm not so harsh on SHOWGIRLS. If you take it as a biting satire on show business/Hollywood, it holds up somewhat. Perhaps I'm giving Verhoeven/Eszterhas too much credit.

9:37 PM  
Blogger GetFlix said...

Striptease falls into this category. With Demi Moore's fake titties.

10:16 PM  
Blogger NY KAT said...

Babel, Vanilla Sky and Eyes Wide Shut.

Tom Cruise used to be my FAV actor but he's definitely gone off the deep end.

11:40 AM  
Blogger Prunella Jones said...

I'm in the minority I guess as I love all these movies, yes Vanilla Sky as well. They are terrible in a wonderfully amusing way. Well once you've had a little chemical assistance anyway.

8:36 AM  
Blogger M-M-M-Mishy said...


11:39 AM  
Blogger NFL Adam said...

Please do not speak ill of Showgirls.

11:22 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home