Thursday, May 17, 2007

Ok, so I went out on my blind date last night, he turned out to be a really nice guy, and . . . . screw this . . . he made it clear he's not interested, so I figure that frees me up to be honest. I got to the restaurant a few minutes late and he was sitting at a table having finished most of a glass of wine. He's 48 and kind of cute in a chubby sort of way. Within 3 minutes of my sitting down, before I even had a glass of wine, he was telling me about his recent stool sample. It seems he had not bothered to read the instructions, and had failed to abstain from eating red meat for 24 hours, so the sample came back "positive" - I assume for blood or protein or something. So . . . as a result of this false positive, the doctor recommended a colonoscopy and a scope down the throat which ran him $4,200 . . . about this time my glass of pinot grigio arrived.

Next up I heard about the therapy he is undergoing for his tennis elbow. The therapist is providing some sort of ultrasound treatment, which he swears is unbearably painful and worse than anything I have possibly ever experienced. He then paused, and noted that he understands that women sometimes have to go through procedures that are painful, so maybe I have had a similar experience. (Me - to myself - buddy, have your urethra widened by having ever larger metal rods inserted and then talk to me about painful procedures.)

From here we discussed our health insurance policies. Since mine is consideably cheaper than his - and has better coverage - he wanted to know if this was because I had waived pregnancy coverage since I'm too old to have babies. . . . I could go on, but you get the picture. He ordered himself a second glass of wine, made it clear that I wasn't welcome to order a second glass, and I was out of there about 7. I didn't offer to pay for my glass of wine . . .
On a happier note, here is a photo from a couple of years ago of me snorkelling off the coast of Lanai!


Blogger M-M-M-Mishy said...


Too bad, Diane. This guy was a ~total~ keeper.

Any date that involves talk about poop is a very bad one in my opinion. At least it was just drinks and you didn't have to sit through dinner as well. Could you imagine the topics he's bring up given more time?

9:54 AM  
Blogger Princess in Galoshes said...

Who talks about their own shit on a first date???

What a ladies man. I hope you at least got an expensive Pinot Grigio.

11:23 AM  
Blogger GetFlix said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

11:44 AM  
Blogger Diane said...

mishy, princess - yeah I was kind of surprised/dumbfounded that excrement was the first conversation topic

flix - in her defense, she met him when he was paired w/ her and her sister and brother in law for golfing. So I'm guessing he managed to keep some of the issues under wraps . . .

11:54 AM  
Blogger LA said...

OMG, at 48, he's about 15-20 years too young to be crying about his maladies nonstop. You have to be either 65 or a blood relative to discuss colon-related topics.

Glad you got out of there while the sun was still shining.

12:34 PM  
Blogger Deborah said...

Bahahahaha! Wow, this guy sounds like an open book. Telling you about stool samples and colonoscopies over dinner? That's umm....different...And I think you should consider yourself lucky he's not interested 'cause this guy sounds kind of odd to me...not that odd is bad, but ya know...odd in the creepy/uncomfortable sense.
The picture looks awesome, by the way! I secretly admire those who can swim and do other fun activities such as snorkeling in large bodies of water.
I'm prone to drowning so large bodies of water are a no-no for me.

1:18 PM  
Blogger sage said...

This would be a hoot if it was a scene in a movie... But to have to deal with it in real life, yuck.

On a related matter, I'm now questioning if I should blog anymore about my upcoming date with a colonoscopy. Let this be a warning, don't read my blog next Thursday or Friday while having eating or enjoying a nice glass of wine.

1:40 PM  
Blogger Prunella Jones said...

OMG can I have his number? What a babe! (pant pant)

What can you do but laugh yourself silly over such a winner?

6:48 AM  
Blogger Ryan said...

He sounded like such a catch, you really should have given him a second chance! HAHA! I feel really bad for you. Who wants to hear about stool samples on the first date. Good Lord!

11:51 AM  
Blogger kookla@work said...

Diane, if I were single I would have stolen him away from you. But lucky me, I get to discuss stool samples with my old man. And not voluntarily.

6:06 PM  
Blogger v said...

I guess I'm late to this party. Sorry your date was so lousy Diane. But at least it was quick and, umm, at least it was quick. And it at least made for a funny post.

11:42 AM  
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6:59 PM  

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